Wednesday, 30 January 2013

Week Three Merriment

Week three of uni has been on gone. My one feeling about it right now is: grateful. That's the sum of it.

I'm grateful for the chance to go back to university.
I'm thankful that my third year friends a) haven't forgotten me, b) still talk to me and c) genuinely ask me how I am, and repeatedly asking how I am just to make sure.
I'm humbled by some of their words.
I'm grateful for their words of advice, support and encouragement.
I'm thankful to the masters students who let me crash their lunch room so I can moan to my friend on the masters course.
I'm thankful that the guys I'm mapping with are all decent, sound, funny guys. I think the six weeks on Arran will be a right laugh (unless we gang together and kill Jordan).

I feel a lot better right now.

Saturday, 19 January 2013

End of Week Two

I have been back at uni for two weeks now, and I really don’t know how I feel about it. 

I am stressed over financial things, which isn’t a good start. I am stressed over catching up with learning and revision of the semester one modules. I am stressed about geophysics and my total inability to follow what is going on in the practical sessions. I nearly cried in class yesterday. I feel totally alone and stupid in a world full of clever second years. I feel like the outcast who doesn’t have her own friends. I wish I was in third year with my friends. I haven’t even done a bar shift and I’m contemplating quitting my job, purely so I don’t have to worry about fitting shifts in, even though I only need to do one once every two to three weeks. I am stressed because I have lots of things to pay out and SFE haven’t paid me my loan and won’t be doing so for another 3 to 4 weeks. I am stressed because my Access To Learning Fund application won’t be processed until I can find out what the hell Student Finance England are playing at. I’ve had to apply for an emergency loan from the university so that I can actually live for the next month. I am stressed because of the pressure to find accommodation on Arran for my summer mapping project. I haven’t even started to think about how I’m going to get there.

I really don’t like the way I feel right now. I feel stupid. I feel like a loner. I feel like I’m out of my depth. I feel like I haven’t done enough prep work. I feel like I’m stretching myself, despite not doing yoga or pilates or loads of shifts at work. I feel like I need to go for a long, fast walk to clear my head and then start again.

Sunday, 13 January 2013

First Week Back At Uni = Done!

And so! Week one of university has been and gone. I attended all my lectures, which I think is more than I did this time last year. I’ve been continuing with the work/revision that I started over the Christmas holidays and I’ve begun the extra reading for my lectures (which is WAY more than I did last year!!).

I’ve not quite gotten into a routine yet – I had a lot of general errands to run this week to get things finalised and sorted.. coursework marks, counselling, meetings at work etc., so hopefully this week things will settle down and instead of going to find my friend for a gossip, I’ll sit down and do some work.

I have nearly the same amount of free time as a do lectures (on a weekday 9-5 timetable) so I really need to use this time and use it wisely. I can’t afford to mess up again. I’ve worked in set revision times that I’ll do during the day, staying on campus, and I’ve built in errand-running time, yoga/pilates time, shift-at-work time and also volunteering. I intend to start and get into the habit of being on campus from 9am – 6pm… a few reasons for this. Home atmosphere is still tense since the events of last May; I need to get used to long working days; if I stay at uni I’m more likely to get the work done etc. I just need to use the time available to me. I don’t want to get to exam period and say ‘I wish I’d spent more time on this module’.

I’ve also got my name down to do my dissertation mapping project on the Isle of Arran. 6 weeks on Arran! I’ll be with three guys, I don’t even know them, so this week’s mission is to find out who they are! I also need to start stocking up on field equipment.. I need new boots and waterproofs, and some general stuff like mapping pens.

So, after my first week, things are going quite well! I hope this next week will be more settled as I won’t be doing as much running around to sort things out. Fingers crossed!

Sunday, 6 January 2013

January 7th.

Tomorrow is January 7th, 2013.

My grandmother on my mother’s side will be 95.

I will be returning to my undergraduate studies after a 10 month break.

I’m excited, I’m nervous, I’m scared, I feel underprepared but better prepared than I felt this time last year. I feel ready to take on the challenge and the workload and the timetabled academic lifestyle, but I don’t feel 100% ready.

I’m still trying to get out of the mentality of paid employment before a degree. I need to change this so it is degree before paid employment. I need to balance my time much more carefully this year so I don’t overdo myself and don’t burn out again. I feel like I have more on my plate this year – yoga, volunteering at Stirchley Stores and having a dedicated allotment day. I need to balance my shifts at work now that I have two jobs to ensure I don’t overdo the work. I will aim for one bar shift a fortnight and one learning centre shift a week (they pay more and it is easier work, and I can catch up on course related work while I am there). It will of course simply depend on my availability and how the rotas are drawn up.

I’m calm at the moment, I don’t think I’ve realised how soon I am going back to uni. TOMORROW. I go back TOMORROW.

Let’s do this.