It’s amazing how an event or conversation can change your
outlook on what has happened in the past, your present situation and what lies
ahead in your short and distant future. It’s amazing how three of my relatives
who I hardly ever see, let alone speak too, have made me realise that all I want
in this world is to leave this country and move far, far away. It’s made me
realise that I *need* to go back to uni – getting a degree is my stepping stone
to a new life, a new chapter, a new me. It’s my chance to leave everything I hate
in and about this country – which is most things – and start anew. Something just
happens and something just clicks and everything falls into place, and you
realise, all you want is to leave everything and everyone you know – not to
make a statement, not to be radical, not to be a loner, but to not have to
think about it. To not have to worry about saying the wrong thing. To not have
to worry about doing the wrong thing. To not worry about how people you were
once close to react. I think, feel, believe with everything in my core that it’ll
be quite nice to be alone in a strange land by myself. My life does not
belong in England. I do not belong in England. I do not have a future in this
country, not a happy one anyway. A lot of people don’t understand this. A lot
of people don’t understand what I mean. No one can see it from my point of view
because they haven’t lived my 23 years. They don’t quite comprehend my desire
to leave my country of birth, to leave everything, to leave my family, to leave
my friends (the few that I have), to leave the hobbies that I enjoy here.
The next stage of my life starts within the next seven days.
I am quitting my job after just 3 months. I am going to start reading textbooks
related to my course. I am going to learn igneous and metamorphic petrology
because it is my worst subject area. I am going to email my welfare tutor and
start the process of returning to uni. I am going to speak to my doctor and get
medical clearance to return. I am going to start going swimming. I am going to
take control of my life and make it go the way I want it to go. I’m going to
read more blogs and make more things. I’m going to get out into the world more.
I’m going to cut down on my internet time. Updates will probably be posted
here, and I’ll still be blogging over at A Brummie’s Guide to Birmingham.
T-ra.
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