Saturday, 25 August 2012

Sorting My Life Out and Planning The Future.

It’s amazing how an event or conversation can change your outlook on what has happened in the past, your present situation and what lies ahead in your short and distant future. It’s amazing how three of my relatives who I hardly ever see, let alone speak too, have made me realise that all I want in this world is to leave this country and move far, far away. It’s made me realise that I *need* to go back to uni – getting a degree is my stepping stone to a new life, a new chapter, a new me. It’s my chance to leave everything I hate in and about this country – which is most things – and start anew. Something just happens and something just clicks and everything falls into place, and you realise, all you want is to leave everything and everyone you know – not to make a statement, not to be radical, not to be a loner, but to not have to think about it. To not have to worry about saying the wrong thing. To not have to worry about doing the wrong thing. To not worry about how people you were once close to react. I think, feel, believe with everything in my core that it’ll be quite nice to be alone in a strange land by myself. My life does not belong in England. I do not belong in England. I do not have a future in this country, not a happy one anyway. A lot of people don’t understand this. A lot of people don’t understand what I mean. No one can see it from my point of view because they haven’t lived my 23 years. They don’t quite comprehend my desire to leave my country of birth, to leave everything, to leave my family, to leave my friends (the few that I have), to leave the hobbies that I enjoy here.

The next stage of my life starts within the next seven days. I am quitting my job after just 3 months. I am going to start reading textbooks related to my course. I am going to learn igneous and metamorphic petrology because it is my worst subject area. I am going to email my welfare tutor and start the process of returning to uni. I am going to speak to my doctor and get medical clearance to return. I am going to start going swimming. I am going to take control of my life and make it go the way I want it to go. I’m going to read more blogs and make more things. I’m going to get out into the world more. I’m going to cut down on my internet time. Updates will probably be posted here, and I’ll still be blogging over at A Brummie’s Guide to Birmingham.


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